PERSONAL EVOLUTION
Years ago, when my kids were still children, a visiting friend admitted to me, “I could never be a father.”
“Why not,” I replied.
“Because I don’t have the patience you do.”
I nearly choked. I thought he was nuts! I never considered myself a patient man. In fact, I was convinced that I was the most impatient person on the face of the planet.
I was sarcastic, self-centered, believed I was God’s gift to the universe, and very impatient with all the stupidity I observed surrounding me virtually every minute of the day. So, I chalked up his statement as one of those observations.
Then over the course of the next few days, I began to notice that my patience level with the kids was much higher than it was with other people. That’s no surprise to anyone who has children, they provide a crash course in learning patience!
The real epiphany was that I, an avowed practitioner of impatience, actually began to assume a different characteristic than the one I’d come to believe about myself.
This kind of thing happens all the time. We know we have certain characteristics, and usually we do, but we are constantly evolving. We are in a continuous feedback loop where we act, observe the consequences of our actions, then adjust.
The adjustments may be so fine and spread out over such an extended period of time that often we don’t even see the evolution. As the saying goes, we don’t see the forest from the trees. So, we continue to believe that we still act in those ways, even though we’ve changed. We still beat ourselves up for deficiencies we believe exist, but are no longer true about us.
There are many examples. Someone who’s lost a great deal of weight can look in the mirror and see their now svelte body, but still has the mindset of a fat person. An addict may kick their habit, but still view themselves as unworthy and always fear their addiction. A person who stuttered as a child still shies away from public speaking, regardless the fact that they now possess perfect diction.
There are many reasons why we develop these biased beliefs in ourselves. But we’ll leave that discussion until tomorrow.
The point is, we are not now what were before, nor will we be what we are now.
Once we accept that realization, we can then begin working actively on changing the characteristics about ourselves that we don’t like. We can prioritize, working on the ones we feel are most crucial, and queuing up others to work on as we conquer the earlier ones.
The key is a willingness to look at ourselves honestly. Pat ourselves on the back for the things we see that we like, while continuing to foster their growth even more. But also we must take a hard critical look at the things we see that we don’t like. Things we’d rather pretend don’t exist. Things that instead of owning up to, we project onto other people — believing they are the culprits, not us.
Physics teaches us that every action has a reaction. Every action we take in our personal development creates an internal reaction. All these actions and reactions merge to create the essence of our personalities. We’re all works in progress. Keep progressing.
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One of the first things I notice about a person is what they are wearing. It’s because I’m very particular about how I look in public. I enjoy being well “put together”. Everything must match, from my hat to my shoes (assuming I’m wearing them).
And I’m thrifty, too. I have a 1960’s-style skirt and sleeveless top I bought for twenty dollars from a drug store. I get complimented on the outfit all the time. Other women ask me where I got it. I don’t tell them, though. Let them think I spent hundreds on it.
I prefer wearing skirts and dresses because it makes me feel very feminine. Rarely do you see a man similarly attired, unless it’s Halloween.
However, just recently, I did see an older man shopping at the mall wearing a Scottish kilt. I wasn’t aware of any bagpipe events in town so I can only guess at his motivation. Nor were his legs that nice that he should have been wearing a skirt like that in public.
I tend to be over-dressed rather than the other way around. So while other women rush around Food Lion® looking like they just jumped out of the shower, I’m decked out like I’m going to a ball.
Dressing nicely is more important to me now that I’m unemployed. It’s a good ego boost. But lately, I feel like I’m slipping.
How else can I explain dressing for an up-scale, retail job interview in hot pants and a barely-there halter top? Oh sure, subconsciously I might have been flaunting the conservative dress code required of their sales “consultants”. But certainly, looking unprofessional wasn’t the impression I’d hoped to make.
Maybe I’ve lived at the beach too long. I’m used to the casual-dress atmosphere. It probably doesn’t help that I hang around adults who are fond of dressing like college students on Spring Break.
Surfer-dudes like to wear t-shirts with skulls and other symbols of death on them. And they wear shorts no matter what the temperature is outside. This outfit along with cultivating their long, blond Rastafarian tresses makes me wonder who’d hire them. But hey, many of them are in fact employed. They must know something I don’t.
Perhaps it’s also work habits I developed from my last job. They may put me at a disadvantage in today’s job market. I used to work out of my home office. Most days I never got out of my bathrobe and slippers.
I’d only leave my desk and computer to use the bathroom. Without the stimulus of actually going to a job and being seen in public, I stopped putting on makeup and combing my hair. I think it was the look on my ex-husband’s face when I greeted him at the door one evening that clued me in on my declining appeal.
There are not many professional clothes to choose from in any case. Dresses and shirts have plunging necklines. Pants are shiny with spandex. Skirts are tight and short.
Like all women should dress in public like Victoria’s Secret® models dress. The other extreme is professional apparel that is, quite frankly, frumpy. Boxy, button-up suits and bulky dresses your great-grandmother might wear to church. Not much else in-between.
I like to swim at my local YMCA. And I really, really resent not being able to find a “racing” swimsuit with boob support in it.
I guess the manufacturers don’t include it in the interests of enhancing a swimmer’s performance. Like any woman who swims for exercise must be seventeen years-old or an Olympic swimmer. Quite frankly, I can’t think of a worse performance hindrance than having one’s boobs drag in the water.
If you're enjoying this over coffee, tea, or whatever, please consider buying me a cup!
