FIRST IMPRESSIONS

When my oldest brother first met the woman who would become his wife, he took along a picture of himself to show her. That’s not as odd as it sounds. They were set up on a blind date at a Halloween party. He wore a quite convincing costume and wanted to make sure she knew what he normally looked like.

He understood the value people place on first impressions. The picture of himself was his insurance against her developing a bias which might have derailed the relationship before it even started. I’m sure there were other factors at play, but since they got married, obviously it worked.

Quite often the judgment a person makes when first meeting someone can define the entire scope of their relationship. Certainly by staying alert and developing our powers of observation, we can glean much information from subtle clues. However, it’s unfortunate that a brief snapshot in time can become the sole basis for assessing the entire scope of a human being.

This is especially unfortunate because at any given moment, we can either rise to new heights of social savvy or dive into depths of dimwitted delirium. If we meet someone when we’re riding one of those lows, we could make a terrible impression that we can never overcome. On the other hand, that bad first impression may have nothing to do with us at all. It could also be the person we’re meeting is riding his or her own low and that is tainting their objectivity.

Judgments, no matter how useful, can also create false impressions which lead us astray.

They tend to get applied whenever we feel a personal assault. Problems arise because, as it turns out, very rarely is anything ever intentionally meant as a personal assault. Usually it’s just a misinterpretation on our part, based on only having partial information. But when our egos feel bruised, our otherwise impartial observations become poisoned. We make a judgment, justifying it with our misinterpretation of that partial information.

Learning when to apply judgments and when to hold them at bay can be a useful skill. It’s pretty clear when judgments are needed for decisions regarding purely physical events; like whether to race across a busy street when a small opening appears or deciding to stand on a chair when reaching for something, instead of getting a ladder. But when the decisions involve interaction with other people, they’re not as clear.

At those times, we can learn to rely on another source of guidance. This source comes from somewhere deep inside. I call it the “inner voice.” I don’t really know where it comes from, but it is the voice of “higher reasoning.”

I’ve learned to recognize this voice from all the other “voices” in my brain because it’s the one which always speaks from a sense of calm. It is never anxious, nor does its advice ever feel uncomfortable. It makes its statements matter-of-fact and leaves it to me to accept or reject them based on the gift of free will. It doesn’t try to coerce me or offer justification. It simply suggests in a non-threatening tone.

I have my personal belief that this “voice” is my direct connection to the divine, but it may just be my conscience speaking. Either way, I don’t have to understand its source to benefit from its wisdom.

Try listening for it yourself. It speaks in many situations, but you might find it useful next time you meet someone for the first time who seems to fall below your limit of acceptability. Their poor first impression may have nothing to do at all with their underlying personality. Then again, you might ask if they have a picture of their real self to show you.