GLUE

I noticed some laminate pulling away from a shelf. I guess it’s time to get the glue out.

There are dishes from breakfast in the sink, too. They’ll need washing.

I see the laundry basket overflowing. It looks like laundry is also on the agenda for today.

Maybe after I get some of these chores under control, I’ll get my kayak out and paddle in the sound for a while. Or maybe I’ll kayak first, then come back and do chores. Either way, I’ll get the chores done, sooner or later.

It’s fun to kayak. Going to a movie or a play can also provide entertainment. Browsing in stores for clothes is another enjoyable activity. Getting together with friends and going to parties is also thrilling. There we might sing karaoke or dance. I just heard the circus is in town. I think I’ll see it. I haven’t been to a circus in years and I’m pretty excited about it.

Doing exciting things is great. It adds spice to life. But, how much spice do you usually enjoy at one time. In cooking, we use spice only sparingly. It’s the same with exciting events, we do them only occasionally. Mundane things fill most of life — like repairing shelves, washing dishes, and doing laundry.

We enjoy our home, but keeping it nice requires dusting, cleaning, vacuuming, and polishing. Once we do that, it has a pristine look for only a short time before the dust starts collecting again and the sheen on our furniture fades. Then it’s time to clean again.

One of the best examples of this happens during pollen season. Every year there’s a couple weeks here where everything outside is covered with a yellow dusting of pollen. I remember one day I washed my car. Within three hours so much pollen collected on my car that it was completely covered in yellow again. It didn’t even look like I’d washed it.

Obviously, a lot of time gets spent on things that are not exciting. Moreover, let’s not forget sleeping. We enjoy feeling alert and awake, but at what cost? We spend one third of our lives sleeping to achieve that alertness.

So, the time we spend doing exciting things really is pretty limited.

While engaged in exciting activities, feeling excited is easy. We just let our enthusiasm carry us. We don’t really have to do anything to feel excited. It occurs naturally.

But since exciting times are limited and the mundane times span a greater part of each day, to feel happy and lead fulfilled lives we must find viable strategies to appreciate those mundane times. Feeling fulfilled is a far more important quality to develop than learning to be the life of the party.

Anyone can get swept away in the zeal of an exhilarating moment. Feeling fulfilled during the quieter spaces of our lives takes practice, discipline, and an open mind.

I find gratitude works for me. I’m grateful for having a house to live in. I don’t like dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, or polishing, but I do appreciate having a roof over my head. Engaging in mundane chores to maintain it feeds my gratitude. This allows me to feel fulfilled, even when I’m not engaged in exciting events. Gratitude promotes happiness.

So, I’m off to the garage. I’m looking for some glue to paste that laminate back onto the shelf. I’m grateful to have glue. Then, I’ll go kayaking. How exciting that will be!

PROGRESS

They swapped out all the manual towel dispensers in the restrooms at work for the automatic kind. These provide access to clean paper toweling by simply passing your hand close to a sensor. You never have to touch the unit. This eliminates common touch-points, thereby significantly reducing the chance of direct contact with germs left behind by another person. That’s progress in our effort to curtail the spread of disease.

Progress is something we strive for as humans. Unfortunately, progress runs either way. We wish that progress always produces improvement. However, it can also be in decline; like in the case of these new automatic paper dispensers.

In the restroom closest to my desk, one of these new units consistently malfunctions. The toweling bunches up in the rollers and binds up the unit. It ceases to function. It’s been like this ever since the unit was installed. I don’t see any improvement it’s brought.

When it malfunctions, I’m forced to use the other unit. Unfortunately, everyone else who uses the restroom gravitates toward the working dispenser too. So, it runs out of toweling pretty early in the day.

Out of desperation, I learned by accident I can push the bar on the bottom of the unit. This activates the mechanism. If I also pull on a corner of toweling that has fed through the roller, I might be able to pull out all the bunched up towel. Thereby, freeing the unit to function properly again. But, that defeats the purpose of it being a “touch free” unit. I’m now increasing my risk of picking up an infectious disease by touching the unit.

Besides, even if I do manage to release the jam, it’s only a temporary fix. It bunches up again before I come back to use it the next time. And, if I’m unable to free it up, I’m forced to use the other unit, which may or may not have any toweling in it.

The thing that really complicates this whole issue is now the second unit also consistently malfunctions. Maybe it’s because it gets used much more than the other one. Whatever the reason, it’s very likely both units are out of service at the same time. That means I’m back to air drying my hands the old fashioned way — by vigorously shaking them. But, this also increases my risk of picking up an infectious disease, because I now have no paper towel to hold onto the door handle when I leave. Door handles in restrooms are notorious places for germs.

So, once again I conclude the new towel dispensers led to a decline in progress, rather than an improvement.

Now I try to be prepared. I keep some clean paper towel folded up in my pocket. I’ll use it if both units malfunction. This works out fine. I have towels to wipe my hands and to hold the doorknob.

Hmm, maybe my view of declining progress just needs a paradigm shift. The malfunctioning of the new towels dispensers certainly did not improve our hand drying capability, but it did create an opportunity. I developed more robust problems solving skills. What we view as problems, really are opportunities for growth. And if we’re open minded, we grow in ways we never anticipated.

I’m glad they swapped out all the manual towel dispensers in the restrooms at work for the automatic kind. It’s opened up an avenue of personal progress.

BRUSHING TEETH

How many people brush their teeth? How many think it’s a disgusting habit? Even just a hundred years ago, many people viewed brushing teeth as a disgusting habit.

If you think about it, brushing really does have its unsavory characteristics. We slather some goop across a series of bristles. Then we apply this to our teeth and gums, which teem with plaque, tartar, and an array of bacteria that could keep a high school biology class busy for weeks identifying all the strains. As we brush vigorously, the constant flow of saliva, secreted from ducts under our tongue, mixes with this plaque, tartar, bacteria, and toothpaste. It foams up, filling our mouth to the brim. Excess leaks out the corners, dribbles down our chin like suds from a washing machine run amuck with too much soap, and then splashes as it hits the sink. Often the impact bounces some of the spew upward, splattering the mirror with those tell-tale white spots.

To top it all off, we then unceremoniously spit it into the sink, watching the ooze slowly creep toward the drain like blood and entrails running into crevices in the earth surrounding a tiger’s successful kill. We finish by swishing, gurgling, and streaming spit to rinse away the slimy goo still clinging to our now clean teeth. Then what? We replace the brush back into its holder. Here it lingers in the bathroom for months or maybe even years, sitting in sticky residue draining from bristles that never get washed in any kind of sanitizing solution.

Brushing teeth really is gross. But we do it. Why? We realize the benefit it offers, so we desensitized ourselves to just how disgusting it is. But, it was considered disgusting not too very long ago.

Not many people brushed their teeth in the 1800s. In fact, it wasn’t until the Second World War, in the 1940s, when brushing really became mainstream. Soldiers received instruction in the techniques of oral hygiene. I guess the army has a way of ingraining things so they become habits. After the War, servicemen brought this habit home. Also, dental education was stepped up. Now, you’d be hard pressed to find people who don’t brush every day.

It’s funny how over time we change our views of what’s inappropriate and what’s acceptable.

Brushing was a part of daily rituals for millennia in India and China. Travelers saw first hand the benefit of this practice. But they met with scorn when sharing this information with the rest of the world. The more refined westerners looked down upon this disgusting practice as primitive and barbaric.

Yogis from India are the same people who developed the nasal irrigation technique known as neti that I described in yesterday’s post. Those ancient mystics from the east really did have some good ideas.

Maybe it’s a wise idea to objectively consider new ideas, even if they seem foreign and a little disgusting at first glance.

Anyone change their mind about brushing? Anyone changing their mind about trying neti?

JALA NETI

Pollen season has blown in. It’s hitting us in full force this spring.

In some areas, the pollen counts are off the charts; like here in the southeastern United States. The problem here is the winter was uncharacteristically cold for so long that everything is blooming at once; azaleas, camellia, dogwoods, pines, oaks. We usually get a yellow dusting of pine pollen every year, but this year it’s more like a blanket.

I know many people affected by seasonal allergies who feel miserable now. Even I feel the effects, and I’m usually not affected — anymore.

I use to take three prescription medications every day. Add to that an inhaler I used frequently and it was sometimes four. However, now I rarely have any sinus problems at all. I attribute this new found lease on an allergy free life to an ancient technique called Jala Neti, or neti for short.

Before I describe the method, let me ease you into it with an admission. If you’ve been reading my posts with any regularity, you realize I generally am no stranger to unusual things. I not only dance to the beat of a different drum, but the whole damn band is odd! But, when I first heard about neti, I rejected it as being too weird even for me. So, if I thought it was too far out, I can only imagine most other people consider it appalling. However, the truth is, it works!

So what is it? Neti is nasal irrigation. Yes, it’s what you’re thinking. You take water and pour it up your nose. I’ll pause while you grimace in disbelief . . .

Okay, you back with me now? I know the idea of pouring water up your nose brings back unpleasant memories of swimming and accidentally getting a snootful after someone snuck up and dunked you. Man that hurt. Recalling the experience is worth an involuntary shudder. But, I assure you, neti is nothing like that.

First of all the water is warm, about body temperature. Also, salt is added, bringing it to the same salinity level present in the body. Pouring it in a controlled manner actually feels good. The warmth and proper salinity allows the flowing water to feel as natural to the body as mucous. Even that may not sound appealing, but does the mucous in your sinuses burn? No. In fact, most of the time you’re not even aware it’s there.

Why do this? Flushing your nasal passages with warm salt water removes particles that build up, like dust and pollen. The body should be able to remove these things on its own. Little hairs called cilia line our nasal passages. They trap foreign particles breathed it. This keeps them from reaching the lungs where they could really do damage. The mucous in our nasal passages carries away the foreign particles. It drains down our throats into our stomachs, where the particles dissolve and pass in our usual excretory functions.

When the system works properly, we have no problems. But, if we’re exposed to heavy amounts of particles, like pollen or pollution, there are too many for the system to handle. Like a pipe that gets clogged, our sinuses likewise get clogged up. We get stuffy and mucous starts dripping from whatever opening it can find. Neti helps loosen the clog and flushes away the debris, leaving the nasal passages free to do their job.

Below is a link to a website that describes it in much better detail, with pictures to aid in understanding. I recommend browsing it thoroughly.

http://www.jalanetipot.com/index.html

Neti may not be a “miracle cure” for you like it is for me, but I used to be a miserable schlep taking up to four medications a day that still didn’t control my allergies. Now I’m a guy who almost always breathes easily during every season.

TRASH

Today is trash day. It’s a weekly ritual which requires a little preparation.

Brandi, my daughter, gathered all the trash baskets in the house, dumped them into one bag, then took it out to the can. It’s one of her chores she’s responsible for completing each week. Usually Brandi does this cheerfully, or at least without much fanfare, but occasionally she complains.

I’m not sure why sometimes she’s fine with it, yet at other times she complains. I don’t think it really has anything to do with the task itself. The work doesn’t vary much from week to week. It must be something else. However, on those mornings when Brandi complains, she’s grumpy, mutters under her breath, and I feel like it’s directed at me. It’s as if I’m somehow to blame.

I guess that’s really no different from me when I gather up the recycling to take it out to the curb. That’s my weekly trash related chore. Usually I’m fine with this task, but occasionally I’m not in a great mood. It’s not difficult to do. I do it as soon as I get home from work and before we leave for yoga. But I have to change and do a few personal things before we leave. So if I get home a little late from work, I rush around getting the recycling together. I get a little curt if Brandi starts asking me a lot of questions as I’m hurriedly getting it ready to take out.

Hmmm, perhaps she thinks I’m directing my brusqueness towards her on those days? It’s not. I’m just rushing and get impatient when her questions delay me even more. Maybe there’s a similar thing happening on those mornings when Brandi’s kind of grumpy getting the trash together. It may have nothing to do with me at all. It might just be that I’m nearby and suffer collateral damage due to something personally bothering her those days.

Well, like I discussed in yesterday’s post, who can figure other people out?

The whole trash day mystique is an interesting phenomenon. We spend each week consuming things and save the refuse of that consumption. Then we designed an entire system to cart it away. Big green plastic cans and bright red recycle bins adorn each driveway in the neighborhood. Then workers drive down the street in recognizable trucks, carting the trash away and disposing of it. However, that word “dispose” is misleading.

It sounds as if the trash somehow gets eliminated. Of course, it doesn’t. Some of it gets burned or dumped in the ocean, but most of it just gets stored in a landfill. Sure, we recycle some of it, but most of the trash just sits in the landfill biding its time, growing in volume, and rotting. It’s quite a system we have. What will happen when it piles up too high to deal with?

I guess we do the same thing with our physical trash that we do with our emotional trash. We recycle some emotions in positive ways — like learning forgiveness after an argument or turning our unhappiness into greater tolerance toward each other. But most of it we just pile up, then bury deep within our psyche. What happens when it piles up too high to deal with?

Maybe if we’re wiser with both our physical resources and emotional resources, we can find ways to transform all our trash into positive things that enhance life.

FIVE CONSIDERATIONS

Other people are such a mystery. Who can figure out another person? I know it’s easy to get frustrated with how the actions of other people affect us. It’s really not so much the actions themselves anyway. Our frustration is almost always due to how those actions impact our own expectations.

Here are five considerations when feeling frustrated by another person’s actions:

1. Everyone’s doing the best they can with what they have to work with.
2. Everyone learns at their own pace, not in the time frame we choose for them.
3. When you see someone’s done something stupid, remember when you did something stupid.
4. The pain you see in someone now is just a reflection of pain you’ve felt before.
5. Someone striking out at you is really only a cry for help.

Let’s consider each, one by one.

Everyone’s doing the best they can with what they have to work with. Each one of us has talents. We excel in our talents. We use them to benefit ourselves and also to benefit others. But let’s not forget each of us also has weaknesses. These weaknesses handicap us in our ability to interact with others in ways promoting harmony. We know we have weaknesses. We try to keep our own hidden, but sometimes they’re exposed. They create issues that often affect us and others negatively. We hope other people will forgive us when our weaknesses create problems. Can’t we also accept other people’s weaknesses and forgive them too?

Everyone learns at their own pace, not in the time frame we choose for them. When we learn something, especially when we overcome one of our weaknesses, we feel good about ourselves. Often we realize that what we learned was really a very simple thing. If we’re honest, we admit that others tried showing us this “truth” once before (or maybe several times). Unfortunately, we just weren’t ready then. We still lacked one fundamental key to unlock our understanding. When we were ready, we finally understood. Can’t we allow others the time they need to understand something we learned already?

When you see someone’s done something stupid, remember when you did something stupid. I’ll be the first to admit that I have done many stupid things in my life. And, you want to know something else? I will do stupid things again. It’s very easy to look at a stupid thing someone’s done and feel superior to them, while at the same time forgetting that you too have done stupid things before – maybe even the same stupid thing you’re seeing them do now. Can’t we give them space to commit their stupidity and learn from it, without holding it against them?

The pain you see in someone now is just a reflection of pain you’ve felt before. We can only recognize pain in someone else because we have experienced it before. When you see someone in pain, do you offer comfort or turn your head because you’re afraid to get involved? How did you feel when you were in pain and people shunned you? How did you feel when comfort was offered? We know how grateful we felt when someone comforted us. It didn’t have to be an elaborate gesture, even just a kind word or heartfelt look of encouragement helped. Can’t we pay comfort forward, instead of hiding behind our fear of getting involved?

Someone striking out at you is really only a cry for help. This one is probably the hardest to deal with. Our “eye for an eye” mentality makes us want to strike back. But, when someone strikes out at us, they are really just so distraught they lose all sense of what’s appropriate. They become confused, self-absorbed, and fearful. Like an animal caught in a trap, they assume an offensive posture, striking out at anyone nearby, even if the person’s trying to offer help. Their offensive posture is a clear signal of their need for help. If instead of striking out, they were completely deflated, like when dealing with the death of someone close, then we’re willing to do whatever we can to be of service. But, when they’re anguish becomes offensive, we lose our compassion. Can’t we set aside our ego and offer compassion in their time of confusion?

Instead of trying to figure out someone else’s mystery, we can draw upon our own life experiences to invoke empathy. Allow others the space to figure out their own mysteries. Expressing our care and concern creates harmony.

MERGING

I drive on an overpass when I come to work each morning. It’s situated about a couple hundred yards from the entrance to my building. So, I cruise along in the right hand lane of the overpass. I keep a sharp eye trained on the lane where traffic may be merging in from the road below.

Merging is a dying art. Merging means that both parties assess each others speed and position, slowing down or speeding up, allowing each other to blend seamlessly into a constant traffic pattern.

But I find that when I speed up to let the other driver merge behind me, that driver speeds up and zooms in front of me by only inches, like an exciting ending to a NASCAR race. If I slow down to allow the other driver room to merge safely in front me, that driver slows down to match my velocity. We end up side by side in a dangerous game of chicken. Then there are the most frustrating drivers who speed up to overtake me, but then slow down as they pull in front. This causes me to slam on my brakes to avoid dropping into their back seat unannounced for a friendly chat.

So, seeing traffic approaching in the merge lane makes me groan with frustration. I’ve tried just driving in the left lane on the overpass, then switching lanes right past it, but that too is frustrating. People merging claim ownership of the entire right lane, fiercely protecting their territory like an agitated Rottweiler defending its back yard. Blinker or not, they fend off my attempts to change lanes. With only several hundred feet to work with before I’d have to turn, they usually win.

Dealing with the uncertainty of merging is really the best option, but sometimes it feels like a conspiracy. It makes me wonder if there is a control tower somewhere nearby with someone in there directing the merging traffic. That person sees me approaching and relays a signal to waiting drivers. It’s their mission to challenge my abilities of promoting peaceful coexistence. And the controller must be omniscient, because the greatest challenges occur when I’m running late. It’s these times, when I can least afford a delay, that the challenges are the greatest. Why is that?

Whether it’s driving a car or navigating the roadways of life, learning to merge is crucial. Sometimes it’s easy to speed past others moving slower. At other times, a leisurely pace allows time for sliding in behind and letting them zoom ahead to their destination. But difficulties arise when both parties are determined to outmaneuver the other and gain an advantage.

In everyday life we call these “win-lose situations.” By their very nature, “win-lose situations” mean someone wins and someone loses. Losing feels bad. It offends our ego, making us feel somehow lessened. Winning also has its downside. Winning today pumps us up. It inflates our egos. Hence, when we lose the next time, we have a farther distance to tumble.

Learning to merge creates “win-win situations.” There is no level of superiority, nor one of inferiority. In these situations, both parties are winners, but in an equal way. Plus there’s the advantage of enjoying the satisfaction of cooperation. Winning always feels better when there is someone to share it with. In “win-win” situations, both people share in the camaraderie of winning, while basking in the warmth of cooperation.

We all drive on overpasses. Let’s look out for one another and cooperate. Allowing each other to blend seamlessly into a constant pattern benefits us both. Learning to merge successfully provides opportunities to spread harmony.

ACTORS

I’m an actor.

Yesterday I described my experience as an extra on a television set. Recently I’ve been studying to be an actor. So, I was interested in working as an extra to gain practical experience in a real acting environment. I learned a lot and am excited to continue growing as an actor.

My acting coach, Sunnie Pennington, is great! She explained to me that acting is really not “make believe” at all. It’s not about “pretending,” but rather about “making real” the situations we’re portraying. If an actor is pretending, he or she is not believable.

We don’t speak lines that magically transport an audience into a fantasy world where disbelief is suspended. Instead, we interact with other actors so our scenes become reality. We respond to their emotions using actions which transfer our emotions, eliciting responses from them dripping with their own emotional truths.

It’s the truthfulness of our interaction that’s real, regardless of the fantastic setting in which it takes place. We don’t pretend. The scene becomes a vehicle, transporting our reality into another realm. One that’s viewed, appreciated, and understood through the universal language of self-awareness.

As actors, we certainly pretend to be characters, but it’s ourselves we insert into those characters. No matter how far fetched the traits of the characters we portray, we fill in the nooks and crannies with ourselves. We don’t trick others into seeing the reflected apparitions of wispy characters, like grainy ghosts captured on film. We breathe life into them. Creating them from the building blocks our own souls to manifest with form and substance.

This is not acting, this is our lives. As we progress through life, we find ourselves cast into many different roles. Some we purposely seek out. Others are thrust upon us, seemingly at random or through a series of events set into motion by forces too mysterious to comprehend. There are also situations that occur despite what we consider as our best efforts to avoid them. The disparate parts dovetail into a whole that fits tightly together, exactly like a carefully scripted story.

Regardless of the cause of these events, each one requires interaction. They require our full engagement and to place our true selves directly into their reality. We can’t fake it. If we do, others see through us easily, as if we’re veiled in sheer curtains providing no cover at all.

We take the essence from within ourselves, mold it, bend it, shape it, and present it to the world as extensions of our own reality. We convey our realness outward. It forms the basis for creating solutions to problems. It opens avenues leading to growth opportunities. It provides venues through which those around us connect to us in sincerity.

We don’t manipulate circumstances in ways that curry outcomes favoring our positions in life. We breathe life into the reality we choose to create.

I’m an actor, but how is acting truly different from reality?

UNTITLED MEDICAL DRAMA

I was an extra on a television set. What an experience it was!

An ad on Craig’s List announced open casting for extras on an untitled dramatic medical pilot that had the appropriate working title of “Untitled Medical Drama.” I’d never done anything like this before and thought, “Why not?”

There was an audition, which consisted of bringing four changes of clothes in order to get some pictures taken. Evidently they’d review the photos to see if any of them had the “look” they desired. They were very specific on what to bring and what not to bring. They stated, “Bring casual clothes, but no reds, whites, or stripes.”

I meticulously scoured my closet and carefully selected my four outfits. Then I tried them on to make sure they fit. Two of them didn’t quite meet my exacting standards, so I found two others. I was set.

I went to the audition with clothes in hand. The casting agent took one look at me and said, “You’ll be a security guard. We’ll provide your costume.”

I asked, “So, I don’t need any of the clothes I brought?”

“No.”

“Do you want to see them?”

“No.”

“Do you . . .”

“No.”

With my now unnecessary changes of clothes in my hands, I went to Wardrobe. They fit me. They also told me specifically what I needed to bring when I came back for filming – a white t-shirt, socks, and a black belt.

I asked, “Should I bring anything else?”

“No.”

“Any other clothes?”

“No.”

“Any . . .”

“No.”

They told when and where to report on the day of the shoot.

The day arrived. I had to be at the Winnabow Airfield at 6 AM. I was up by 4 AM to get ready. I wore my white t-shirt and socks. I had my black belt. Since they were providing the rest of my clothes, I wore lounge pants — which are little more than pajama bottoms. I figured they’d be easy to get out of when I changed into the costume they’d give me.

I arrived early. When I checked in, they said I’d be a patient.

“Patient?” I exclaimed, “They said I’d be a security guard.”

“Well, now you’re a patient. Can you change into your regular clothes?”

“I didn’t bring any regular clothes.”

“Don’t you have another change of clothes?”

“No.”

“Don’t you at least have some pants?”

“No.”

“Don’t you . . .”

“No.”

I told them I specifically brought exactly what they told me to bring and that’s all. They said it was fine, Wardrobe would take care of me, but I should have brought additional clothes. Ugh! That’s what I get for doing what I was told.

Wardrobe fit me in regular clothes. The attendant was obviously very experienced at sizing people up. The clothes she gave me fit perfectly.

After Wardrobe, we were all herded into the extra’s tent. They told us to wait and eat. There was a table of food that could have fed a small country. So, I sat, ate, and waited. After a bagel with crunchy peanut butter, some oatmeal, and a couple doughnuts, they called the extras to the set. Here we sat and waited again, only now we didn’t get to eat. Eventually we did get called to participate in some scenes.

Extras exist to put scenes into context. We add the finishing touches to make scenes believable. While the principal actors play doctors administering CPR and using paddles to shock cardiac arrest patients, we extras are in the background. We dash frantically across the room toward other emergencies. We pace thoughtfully, staring at clipboards and shaking our heads. We sit in waiting rooms looking sick and needing medical attention. Or we simply walk past, oblivious to anything going on around us. We support the principal actors in each scene.

Come to think of it, this is exactly what each one of us does a good portion every day. We provide the background that puts the rest of the world in context.

Occasionally we’re the principal actors, especially in our own lives, and other people support us. We’d like to think this is how our world works all the time – that we’re the principal actors and the rest of the universe revolves around us — but it’s not.

We all take turns supporting each other. The sooner we realize this, the more comfortable we’ll be in this role, and the more support we can provide. The more we support others, the better able they will be in supporting us when it’s our turn to be in the spotlight.

I am an extra on the set of life. What an experience it is!